Monday, November 30, 2015

ELECTION 2016 HEADLINES FOR DECEMBER 1, 2016

Christie attacks Trump
-New Jersey Governor Chris Christie challenged Trump's claim that Trump saw thousands of Muslems celebrating in the streets on 9/11. Trump responded by saying "Don't tell me what I saw or didn't see, fat man. You can't even see your feet!"

Trump woos black vote.
Donald Trump met with a group of black citizens trying to get their endorsement. Trump tried everything including telling the group he felt that black lives matter...just not as much as white lives.

Dr. Ben Carson went to the middle east to learn more about the Syrian immigrants. He found out that they didn't want to come to the United States after all, thereby allowing him to sidestep the immigration question. Carson also learned that the Israeli's and Arabs loved each other, Iraq is a true democracy and Iran is hosting the Kentucky Derby next year.  "Fact-finding is really cool," said Carson. "You never know what you will learn."

Friday, November 13, 2015

Taking a break from politics in memory of French victims.
ELECTION HEADLINES FOR FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2015

TRUMP ATTEMPTS TO WOO IOWA VOTERS BY CALLING THEM STUPID
In an attempt to sway Carson voters to vote for him instead, Donald Trump called them "stupid" for believing the "stuff" (insert your own euphemism) Dr. Ben Carson is telling everyone. "If they're really that stupid", Trump went on, "they'll vote for me!" The businessman/reality show star went on to call the voters of Texas a bunch of yahoos and all Californians complete morons. "That should win them over to my side" he said.

CARSON CLAIMS CHINESE ARE INVOLVED IN SYRIA
Dr. Ben Carson says that the Chinese and the Russians are fighting in Syria. He knows this because he is told that after soldiers fight there, a half hour later they are blood-thirsty again.
Go figure!

courtesy of all of us here at Clinton for President (so not unbiased but making a point!)


Monday, November 9, 2015

Campaign news for Monday, November 9th, 2015 courtesy of Clinton for President




DR BEN CARSON ATTACKS THE MEDIA...OR DOES HE?
This morning, Dr. Carson claims to have stabbed CNN correspondant Dana Bash during an interview she was conducting with him about foreign policy. He says her life was saved by her belt buckle diverting the path of the knife, the tip of which landed 1/2 inch from her navel (just above her appendectomy scar.) Bash claims not to remember the incident which, according to Carson, occurred at 7:15 AM today at CNN's worldwide headquarters in Dallas and witnessed by another CNN on-air personality, Rachel Maddow (who Carson claims "switched sides" after being released from prison.)
When asked about the multiple discrepancies in his account of the incident, the doctor claimed he was being harassed by the liberal media, especially FOX.  For more information, you can visit Dr. Carson's web site, josephbuiltthepyramidstostoregrain.com

JEB BUSH USES CARSON TACTICS TO IMPROVE HIS STANDINGS IN THE POLLS
Apparently inspired by Ben Carson's ability to raise cash by claiming to have a troubled childhood, Jeb Bush has asserted that he also had a rough time as a youngster.  At the age of seven, his father grounded him for a week for using his trust fund money to buy a new bicycle. When  his dad was the head of the CIA, Jeb says dad would never tell him state any secrets or give him access to classified information...at least not a lot of it.  "He was a mean old man!"

He also says his mother liked his brother, George a lot more than him. One time, Jeb remembers, George invaded Iraq and Barbara Bush only took away his GI Joe dolls.  "Life can be tough if you're a Bush, I mean, always trying to prove that you're not as stupid as you really are."

GEORGE H.W. BUSH WRITES HIS MEMOIRS
The book, Gifted Hands came out today in which the former president refers to his son George as an imbecile surrounded by "Iron-asses." He later apologized and retracted the part about "Iron-asses."

More headlines to come from Clinton for President


Sunday, November 8, 2015

Imagine a Brian Williams interview with Ben Carson

"Stay tuned and don't touch that dial"...(thank you TV promos from the 60's and 70's) because soon you will be able to view interviews that will only be seen (ok, read) here on clintonforpresident.com. For instance, imagine a one on one interview with Brian Williams asking tough questions to Ben Carson. I can! Spoiler alert...Williams reveals that he was the teenager that Carson stabbed in the abdomen!

OK you've all been clamoring for the interview (or that noise may have been coming from my furnace, not sure), so here goes.

Brian: Hello Mr. Carson
Carson: That's DOCTOR Carson...now turn your head and cough.
B:Sorry, doctor. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. First of all, I read your book,
Gifted Hands. I don't want to accuse you of plagiarism, but I think title of the book was actually lifted from the Pee Wee Herman autobiography.
C:You may be right about that. I'll have my people get back to your people.
B:Now, you inisist that you had a violent childhood and actually hit your mother in the head with a hammer.
C:That's correct. I had a hammer so I hammered her in the morning, in the evening and all over this land.
B: Meanwhile, you also claim to have had a bell and a song but we won't go there.  You also say that you once stabbed a classmate in the abdomen but he was saved by his belt buckle. Turns out, that was me you stabbed! I had just gotten back from a bombing raid in Iraq when the incident occurred. Ironic that I survived being shot at in the skies over enemy territory,  yet, I return home only to be stabbed by a future presidential candidate.
C: As you know, I take pride in my violent history. Want me to look at that stab wound? I am a doctor, you know. Not to mention that the cost is covered by Obamacare!
B:That can wait. Speaking of being a doctor, I  understand that you separated conjoined twins attached at the head.
C:Correct
B:I also understand that they soon changed their minds and you had to sew them back together again.
C:Stuff happens, you know.
B:Thank you, doctor. I will continue this interview another time. I have to go report to my NBC parole officer.
C:Pleasure Brian






Friday, November 6, 2015

Hillary did a great job on Jimmy Kimmel last night!
Snappy answers, good sense of humor.
Great answers to JK's questions esp. regarding republicans and her husband and what he should be called if he is married to the president. How about The First First Man? or Hillary's Hunk?