Campaign news for Monday, November 9th, 2015 courtesy of Clinton for President




DR BEN CARSON ATTACKS THE MEDIA...OR DOES HE?
This morning, Dr. Carson claims to have stabbed CNN correspondant Dana Bash during an interview she was conducting with him about foreign policy. He says her life was saved by her belt buckle diverting the path of the knife, the tip of which landed 1/2 inch from her navel (just above her appendectomy scar.) Bash claims not to remember the incident which, according to Carson, occurred at 7:15 AM today at CNN's worldwide headquarters in Dallas and witnessed by another CNN on-air personality, Rachel Maddow (who Carson claims "switched sides" after being released from prison.)
When asked about the multiple discrepancies in his account of the incident, the doctor claimed he was being harassed by the liberal media, especially FOX.  For more information, you can visit Dr. Carson's web site, josephbuiltthepyramidstostoregrain.com

JEB BUSH USES CARSON TACTICS TO IMPROVE HIS STANDINGS IN THE POLLS
Apparently inspired by Ben Carson's ability to raise cash by claiming to have a troubled childhood, Jeb Bush has asserted that he also had a rough time as a youngster.  At the age of seven, his father grounded him for a week for using his trust fund money to buy a new bicycle. When  his dad was the head of the CIA, Jeb says dad would never tell him state any secrets or give him access to classified information...at least not a lot of it.  "He was a mean old man!"

He also says his mother liked his brother, George a lot more than him. One time, Jeb remembers, George invaded Iraq and Barbara Bush only took away his GI Joe dolls.  "Life can be tough if you're a Bush, I mean, always trying to prove that you're not as stupid as you really are."

GEORGE H.W. BUSH WRITES HIS MEMOIRS
The book, Gifted Hands came out today in which the former president refers to his son George as an imbecile surrounded by "Iron-asses." He later apologized and retracted the part about "Iron-asses."

More headlines to come from Clinton for President